Picture this: it’s Wednesday afternoon and the kids have just arrived home from school. They’re rummaging through the pantry for snacks while you’re switching over the laundry. As you’re doing this, you remember that one child has swimming lessons, another has soccer practice, and a third has tutoring. Your partner is working late, and you’ve just realized you missed the hot lunch deadline. The clock now reads 4:15 p.m., and you’re ushering all the kids out the door to get everyone to their activities on time.
You arrive back home at 7:30 p.m. after feeding the kids a drive‑thru supper because you forgot to take the casserole out of the freezer earlier—you were on a work call handling a crisis. Finally, it’s 9 p.m. The kids are in bed after bickering over shampoo, and you crash on the couch. Your partner walks through the door, asks how your day was, and mentions they have to leave next week for a 10‑day work trip. Upon hearing this, you burst into tears, thinking to yourself, “This is not what I signed up for.”
Does this sound familiar? Perhaps there are aspects that resonate.
Remember those TV families like the Tanners, the Huxtables, the Keatons, and the Winslows? Those parents always seemed to have it together, with little to no stress, and certainly didn’t appear burned out. Today’s families, however, are having a very different experience than families in the 1980s and ’90s. In fact, a 2023 poll found that 31% of Canadians are experiencing caregiver burnout.
So What is Parent / Caregiver Burnout?
In a nutshell, parent–caregiver burnout is extreme physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion caused by ongoing parenting stress. It usually develops when there is a chronic imbalance between the demands placed on a parent and the resources they have to cope.
This is most prevalent in Western countries, which tend to be highly individualistic and often have a wide gap between parenting ideals and day-to-day reality.
Common symptoms of parent–caregiver burnout include:
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- Physical and/or emotional exhaustion
- Shame or guilt about not being a “good enough” parent
- Feeling emotionally disconnected from one’s children
- Fantasies about escaping parenting responsibilities
- Regretting becoming a parent
Individuals at higher risk for parent–caregiver burnout include those who:
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- Hold very high or perfectionistic parenting ideals
- Have limited support from family, friends, or community
- Have an unsupportive partner
- Experience an unfair distribution of parenting and household responsibilities
Why Parent / Caregiver Burnout is Higher Now Than 50 Years Ago
There are many factors that help explain why rates of caregiver burnout are higher now than they were 50–60 years ago. Compared to the 1970s, parents today spend more hours per week on both parenting and paid work. Children also have less autonomy than they did half a century ago. Parents now often function as personal assistants to their children, as parenting has shifted from a relatively low‑energy activity to one that is highly labour‑ and time‑intensive.
Those raising children today are engaged in what is often called “performance parenting,” which involves heavy participation in homework, crafts, music, sports, and other organized activities. Is this a bad thing? Certainly not. Researchers have found that this form of parenting can pay off in dividends for both children and parents. However, like everything else in life, it requires balance.
Overcoming Parent / Caregiver Burnout
So how can someone overcome or prevent caregiver or parental burnout? It starts with self‑care, which involves two key shifts:
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- Being less critical and more compassionate with yourself.
- Redefining what self‑care is and what it looks like in your daily life.
Remember, small everyday moments of self‑care can have a big impact over time.
Other strategies to manage burnout include:
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- Ask for help and build a support village. We are not meant to journey through life alone.
- Adjust your expectations. No one is perfect. Taking 3–5 business days to finish the laundry is okay.
- Establish boundaries. Set clear expectations around household tasks, and delegate when and where needed.
- Prioritize sleep and nutrition. A well‑rested, well‑nourished body copes with stress more effectively.
- Identify stressors. Remove or reduce them where possible, or find ways to lessen their impact.
- Seek professional help. A therapist, counselor, or healthcare provider can offer tools, support, and perspective.
Denise Stacey
Since childhood, Denise has always been known to be a problem solver and helper. Her lived, and professional experiences are a mosaic of diverse roles and relationships, including being a second-generation Canadian, Alberta Certified Teacher, behaviour specialist, and parent.
Denise knows firsthand the complexities of navigating a world with a child that has behavioural struggles, a bicultural world, the world of education and everyday interactions. Her heart extends to young adults and adoptive families as they navigate life’s ups and downs and in between. With a warm, understanding spirit, Denise is dedicated to helping her clients find their way, offering a guiding hand informed by a life rich in experiences that many can relate to.